I think we were cool up until the point where he saw that planned parenthood was on my speed dial.
a guy from my religion class just walked in with a red cup. hello first friday of 2nd semester.
found your viking helmet in the parking lot this morning, its missing a horn. There was still liquor in the remaining horn. shots from a viking helmet should be mandatory.
Only I could do what I did last night and feel perfectly ok working around children the next day
Well if it makes you feel any better I threw up at Roadhouse. And then on the way to the train. And then in a water fountain. And then in a plastic bag on the train.
bark. im thoroughly looking forward to kegs and eggs. next weekend should be pancakes and pinnical, then cereal and seagrams and then whiskey and waffles.
Although I wish I was out drinking, this cough syrup has me slightly more optimistic than usual.. I heavily debating trying to find mystical creatures and selling them to rich people as pets
See, it wasn't that I broke my nose having sex. Its that I forgot about the bedposts...
I'm gonna cougar town the shit out of that prom.
I think I'm still drunk and I think you were in my dream (sadly, it was not a sexual bill murray one).
Look, opening a Guinness with a steak knife and nearly cutting your finger off to make another carbomb is always a good idea.
I woke up with what appeared to be LSD in my pocket. Know anything about this?
Just so were clear your wife is cut off from my dick.
You humped everything and cried in an uber.
Yeah I either headbutted a street sign while texting or I defended you two from an evil gang of nazi muggers. I was black out so I am gonna assume it was option b.
Randomize
