If I was Danny Tanner and my wife died and left me with three kids I would hire a nanny rather than bringing in the sexually promiscuos uncle with a fetish for leather and rebellion and my obviously mentally ill (possibly gay) best friend Joey, who has never had a girlfriend and consistently talks in cartoon voices... a nanny is just a better choice
Have you ever seen a midget fist pump? BEST. THING. EVERRRRR.
just ran into a kid I used to hook up with while wearing his shirt. Only me. I tried to pretend like it wasn't his but it said his name on the back so I wasn't winning that.
he actually managed to pick a girl up by telling her that her skirt was ugly and she didnt do a good job with her makeup. thats some seriously low selfesteem
His IQ is so high, I swear I started ovulating when he told me the number.
I feel like a food baby is going to burst from my stomach and eat all the leftovers until another food baby rips out of its stomach. And so on. It's truly a merry Christmas.
Are you high right now?
is that a question or a drake reference?
We won 11 games of beer pong, and then I spent a half hour trying to get into the top bunk. Then i realized it was a cabinet in the bathroom
The roommate asked me to make sure no one fucked in his room. And then preceded to give only me permission to fuck in his room. Had no idea who I was, just thought I was trustworthy cause I had Edward 40 hands. Felt like a Tarantino movie.
Is there a word in the English dictionary for impressed, yet disgusted?
I think the word you're looking for is flabbergasted.
Apparently I taped knives to my hands and made everyone call me wolverine
He held my hand in public and I nearly came. Like he needs to be inside of me yesterday.
Let's not share with anyone else in the apartment of how we simultaneously peed in the kitchen sink last night.....
i'm not so sure everythign we did last night was legal...
I wore my lizzie mcguire socks to the bar last night. Because that's how i get all the ladiez
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