I give out O-faces like they're halloween candy
i hope chris hansen doesn't have a boat
He threw up over the balcony and blamed it on an invisible garden gnome.
and I was crying with the towel lady in the bathroom of the bar about the tragedy in Haiti. Then we hugged before I left and I gave her 10 dollars.
If this herpes test comes back negative I'm asking out the doctor.
i'm not a hellocoptur, but youer in a dorm ans im un a dorm
Just say you're the husband at the front desk to get in. She's in room 15 at the ER.
what? who is this?
It's an open bar. I'm gonna be gone when you get here.
Text me the address now before you're too drunk to text English.
All I know is I woke up with his business card in my bra and in my handwriting on the back it says 8 inch.
I'm sun burnt so instead of getting drunk and trying to sleep with you, how about we get naked and you scratch my body and rub lotion on me while I rub one out?
You know that feeling when you wake up and your whole body just smells like a penis?
Goddamn it. Hes got me addicted to his penis
WTF I can't even get a boyfriend here and you're getting nudes from across the country
Had sex in a blanket fort. How was your weekend?
I haven't felt more like a college student than when I woke up this morning naked with my sociology textbook in front of me and my bong in my left hand.
Randomize
