there are too many children here to make this hangover-friendly
Just saw a woman walking a golden retriever and a vacuum down the road. I miss downtown.
Ive been using palmolive to shower with for he last week, dont tell me about not having money. Im heading to the bar r u going.
Judge me...This apron fits PERFECTLY when I have no clothes on
Who said I was judging? More like congratulating.
No more Raisinettes before sex. That's what happened. I just put it together
I can't let him end my perfect streak. HE USED TO BE FAT
That was like a fiery explosion of flailing arms and wonderful passion
The uberlube is also flammable
I'm sorry but the visual image of you suffocating on vagina is basically hysterical
Yeah I mean subtle isn't how I'd describe your flirtation strategy last night
I wore sunglasses to take a shower. I might be hungover.
I am on my way right now and I SWEAR TO GOD IF YOU EAT MY BURRITO YOU WILL NEVER SEE MY TITS AGAIN
You just get me
I'm the wind beneath your wings, bitch
He turned on read receipts specifically so i'd know he was ignoring me.
We should write a country song: “Blacked Out on a Sunday”
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