how the fuck does easy mac keep making itself at 3am when i'm wasted? what is this phenomenon?
i keep seeing random pieces of my outfit all around town.
Clearly he doesn't understand my need to be surrounded by cats at all times
Home safe. Psyche shattered. Still rolling. In love with the morrocan rug in the living room.
Waking and baking in my bathtub. In a giant sweater. And no pants. This is going to be the best 420 ever.
Just had such a rough shit, don't stop believin had to be played
My only objective is to get drunk enough to forget the last 364 days.
God she is annoying. I am only keeping her around on fb because I want to see if her baby comes out looking like an alien or not.
am i new drunk or am i still drunk
Okay well we need to be adults. We're gonna end up with diabetes or some shit.
and then I drunkenly screamed, "you can ride that Uber all the way to revenge city!"
which was funny until I realized I paid for my enemy's cab to go fuck my ex
so, in conclusion, I think his gf found out about the booty pics
At least I got steroids and a baguette out of the deal
Oh and sorry for almost killing all of us last night... twice...
Sometimes I feel like my vagina has a photographic memory of his penis. It sucks that he got engaged....
Randomize
