the drag queen on stage looks like shes wearing the EXACT same dress i wore 2 senior prom.
she was stuffing dove chocolates in my mouth while giving me a blow job. GOD I LOVE VALENTINES DAY
Do you remember using the heel of your shoe as a shish kabob stick? You offered me some chicken, but I declined.
He ended up letting us go, I think he just felt sorry for us. It's the only time that my night's gotten worse after I've taken my pants off.
I know. I need to get a vagina tranquilizer.
They broke our car window and then wrote "great night" on the next
I knew it was going to be good when he took off my bra and I only realized 5 minutes later
i may or may not be making depth charges with cough syrup. i'll call you if i survive.
Thanks for launching me off you reverse cowgirl. I think I chipped a tooth.
I just need some of your time and all of your body.
I just sold Adderall to a priest, im not quite sure how I feel about this situation
I was taking a nap and she comes in wo/ pants, gets up on the bed and mounts my face while watching Weeds on Netflix. I'm okay with it, but at least let me wake up first.
just showered sitting down cuz standing seemed like too much work, thursdays need to stop making me their bitch.
were you aware we were supposed to be taking care of her hamster this weekend?
Greetings from Florida; the armpit of the US, where my 240something lb brother nearly got carried away by some aggressive woodland mosquitoes. I was only spared because they could probably sense I was currently semi-disassociating and would not feel the suffering their presence wrought.
Anyway, how was your day?
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