you lied vaginas dont taste like gold fish!
noo i said youre golden if her vagina tastes like fish!
He had one of those small greek statue penises
Im doing kagels to the beat of Christmas music... "Jingle Bells" is hard. Try it.
I've been here 20 minutes and some creepy old man told me he wanted to know what my insides felt like. I hate gay bars.
I like the one of me you and her but you're looking at me...Total foreshadowing right there. I'm cropping it
Update: still drunk enough to get lost in Zellers and to think my reflection was my mother. Awesome day.
they won't let me drive with my sombrero
i have at this current moment imbibed enough alcohol to float immerse or otherwise submerge a goat of respectable size. tequila
So I feel like I should feel objectified by your comment about my boobs but instead I just feel proud. 21ST CENTURY FEMINISM, BABY
Can I borrow you for, like, thirty minutes so you can lay on one boob and rub the other until I fall asleep?
you did that thing you do when youre drunk where you rant about bruce springsteen, start hooking up with someone and then pass out midway through
you asked the cab driver if he wanted to meet your parents, last night.
I smell like Dick and happiness
God I need to hump something, right now.
1. I drank goldschlager 2. I fell in a bathtub and hit my head (hard) on a soap dish. 2. I sat in said bathtub talking to a random stranger on vacation from wyoming (who i met at a 711 looking for taquitos) for almost an hour. 3. We got kicked out of said bathtub by owner of bathtub. 4. We had sex.
Randomize
