Walking home still drunk in snow. Snowflakes are my only hydration..Need moreee
you knoww youre high when you are just as concerned as the contestants on ultimate cake off as they move their 250 lbs cake over the ramp
It was all cool until he grabbed my vag and started screaming: THIS IS MINE.
Yes he was puking but in the only light of the whole parking lot and he was resting in the patch of clovers and he just was a garden fairy
Don't make emojis simulating eating me out
We ended up at a lesbian bar and all my co-workers tried to get me laid. This is not how I envisioned coming out.
Gross! What the hell is that?!?
It's quite clearly a man posing erotically with multiple packages of bacon.
She's 90% sass and 10% boobs
That's actually very serious....I really do think of you whenever is see pizza
if he ever tells me he loves me when we are sober, i am a goner. just fyi.
Your phone just changed "liver" to "liquor" how dose that make you feel
All I want is a wedding with a dress and a veil and where I can go and my cat can go.
I believe the only reason I am slightly functional right now is the leftover drugs in my nose that I keep sniffing
You just kept yelling GET YOUR SKATES ON, BITCHES. WE'RE GOING STREAKING.
But really, what kind of hoe life adventure in Mexico would you do that would top me blowing a trucker?
Randomize
