we are all sexual creatures
yea maybe. but you're not. you're not getting any.
The stoners next door have their couch on the sidewalk again, shirtless, soaking their feet in a baby pool and listening to loud ukulele music. I want their life.
Dude. He only had one testicle. It was like his whole package was a Muppet Show character coming at me.
I had a dream that our used condom started talking to me. I told me that I did an amazing job, and told me that it saved me. From aids.
He told me I had nice tits + they have a great shape. + then proceeded to flatten my boob + show me what the gross tits he's seen look like.
Of course it was necessary for me to call the strip club and ask what their shower policy is. Smelled like she was wiping her ass with my eyebrows during that dollar dance.
He told me "it wants a kiss" WHY HAS THIS HAPPENED WITH 2 DIFFERENT PEOPLE.
She thinks you guys are the gods of the bathroom. If she runs past you naked, give me a heads up
I swear to fucking god if he takes away netflix I will have no problem sending his gf our sex videos
I dipped out before he woke up, but I made sure to take the pizza with me.
HIS DICK IS GLORIOUS AND I WANT TO RIDE IT TO VALHALLA
I took it as a sign from the lord above that she wanted me to creep on these men.
I just described cereal to my mother as "acoustic breakfast soup".
who is this
Standing naked in my kitchen making nachos. I love my youth.
I’m sorry, some of us common-folk don’t have access to steady dick
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