I just opened a bunch of old flavored condoms just to see what they tasted like.
No I remember falling down the stairs I just don't remember it hurting.
I vote intervention dinner around 6, make up movie around 7:30ish, then apology drinks all night. Then hangover waffle house in the morning.
I keep confusing the name of her and her dog. Both are appropriate.
I haven't seen her in ages, how is she?
Well I woke up next to her this morning so I guess I would say she could be doing better
Nothing makes me happier than finding out someone else is pregnant and it's not you.
Next time she asks for a ride to her "cousins" house and it turns out to be a booty call we're charging her for each mile.
So our annual Dick Trip has been tentatively scheduled for the week of July 1 - 5. This years theme is "Fucking for Freedom".
Things my liver can't take in one weekend. Surprise nights off at work and male strippers. Woke up jaundiced.
I don't drink nearly as much when I'm coupled, and that's not a lifestyle I can commit to
How awkward is it to have the guy you used to sleep with congratulate you on your engagement? I'll tell you. Very.
Why is there a horse in the backyard?
I stayed at my gfs last night. This is all on you.
HE WAS CUMMING IN THAT DICK PIC
I've had way too many dicks in my mouth the past two weeks. Ready to go back to school and be a doctor now
I'm a delicate orchid of a man.
Blossoming into a fierce dragon.
Randomize
