i chose cheese fries over sex for the third time this week.
And I just remember seeing him for the first time and being like, who is this ape of a man? Like legit he could be the missing link
I woke up this morning under my fitted sheet and my legs through the sleeves of my sweater.
You flung your panties at that guy you liked with an accuracy that I have never seen before.
so high. i feel like my whole body is a boner
he obviously didn't care that i was sleeping and dreaming about ellen degeneres knitting me a christmas sweater.
So not only did team sweden fail to particpate in any drinking game but i also found puke in my viking helmet this morning.
I am trapped in a bar with french tattooed drug dealers who also blow glass art. Just in case this is bad, know what happened.
Roommate is eating a chimichanga, watching Dr Doolittle 2 and weeping. His Tuesday hangovers make me feel better about my life.
I think he's speaking German to me now
Nevermind, he's just drunk and not texting properly
I just need to drink whiskey get off and eat some cheese. Why is that so fucking hard for god to deliver.
Going back to the ever classy sneak out to the fridge and swig liquor from the bottle method. That it is legal for me to drink here makes the fact that I have to do this all the more depressing.
Thanks. It's every girl's dream, right? To blow a bald marketing consultant 12 years her senior?
Just a couple of adults talking about cum shots at 8am on presidents day
I don't wanna see it, I don't wanna touch it, I just want it in me.
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