whjeg hajt iyt
say what?
wanna hang out?
It smelt so bad when i tried biting off her underwear that i didn't want to touch with my mouth
You were in the corner dancing by yourself yelling "I look good", when really you looked ridiculous and drunk
Sry I left before you woke up. The house was really fucked up and I didn't feel like helping you clean. PS Somebody threw up on your dog
yeah my mom told me she knows when i come home high because i use my turn signal while turning into the driveway...
If there was a game called "keeping your legs shut," I would lose every time.
they paper machayed me.
i told you ... never pass out drinking with preschool teachers.
Plus I'm on the toilet and I can only describe it as if someone had kicked the cap off of a fire hydrant.
I hat to flip my "days since last bad decision" chart back to zero. So...yeah. Sigh.
I feel like satan and death had a baby that took a shit that replaced my brain.
Please tell your friend to stop shitting in my closet.
I volunteer to be the person who breaks into the room and runs around naked and has to be escorted out by police.
You said if the geese can walk on the lake so can I.
the party picked up after I got pretty drunk...I got kicked in the fucking head by a tiny lesbian...she was 5'1" I did not think she could do it...i was very wrong
Remind me to never do anything where hiding something in my butt is the best course of action
Randomize
