She goes outside, smokes 2 cigarettes, and insists on walking up the 7 flights of stairs so that her heart stays in shape. this woman is crazy.
I need a $60 an hour job, because I have a $50 an hour drinking habit.
I've hooked up with 3 different guys already this week...don't tell me I haven't been a productive member of society
four guys that i have slept with have come into my job today. FOUR. i feel like it's like bring your sex partners to work day.
While you were in the ER we decided to tailgate in the parking lot until security told us that's not allowed.
After you verbally abused the McDonalds employee for not making your fries fast enough, the fact that you woke up on a random lawn does not surprise me.
An hour ago, you were stranded out of state, and now you're getting laid? You are a god. Whatever you do, don't ask her name.
Look. I've got things to do today.. Will you hurry up and come over so I can give you some head and get my day started already
Outside
You forget how awesome toilet paper is until you have to wipe your ass with a piece of notebook paper...
And it was in that moment when I realized that these high schoolers looked up to me and that I should set a good example. So I stole a casserole and left.
What's dad's email?
askmom@cause.idk
someone in the elevator just told me i looked like a struggle but i smell very pretty..
Is there like a dick file on me? Guys can't hold two dicks anymore?! Who are you people????
Let's be honest, college orientation is going to be "here's how to drink everclear"
High. As. Fuck. I thought the kid next to me didn't have an arm for like 2 hours.
Hahahaha I'm glad you woke me up with this text.
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