My farts smell like St. Pauli Girl. Last night was too much for a Monday.
I didn't know people actually cried after sex.
Just put a picture of dead dolphins on her wall...told her the oil spill was her fault.
My dinner last night was 3000 calories of beer. Slept kneeling on the floor w/ my head on a couch
Literally just spent 45 minutes converting my paintball gun to shoot condoms....
False alarm it was margarita mix all over my hands not blood
Jenny was looking for something soft to drink since it's only noon, she chose spiced rum. Think she might die today
My dry heaving is complicating my ability to speak.
I mean, I know going to rehab probably didn't make her a lesbian, but I can always hope
can you blow me for old times sake
only for old times sake
I plan on just grabbing someone's dick if I have to. They will know what's up. Why else do you go to a bar alone on valentines day?
I'm dying. The alcohol is viciously exiting my tiny body.
Omg one side of my Labia is asleep. Has that ever happened to you?
How the fuck am I supposed to enjoy a third ice day from school if I only bought enough alcohol for 2?
I don't know, maybe act like an adult who teaches children for a living
It's like we're not even friends
STOP GETTING GIRLS PREGNANT IN MY BED.
Randomize
