I just met a guy from Australia at the bar. I asked him what it was like down under and he told me if I went home with him he'd let me find out. I love Australians.
We watched a biography of Frida Kahlo in class today. It was depressing. A chick with a UNIBROW just put my sex life to shame.
I am currently eating pure cake frosting...I am not sure how I was ever referred to as a responsible adult.
I was told u were the one who could explain to me why i woke up in the running shower, still in my dress and heels
Jordan and I are drunk and barred out at the liquor store sitting in the awesome $70 Corona bench bargaining with the owner for a lower price, all while passing the Belvedere bottle between the two of us. Real life. College has down this.
1st rule of birth control pills: do not stop taking birth control pills. 2nd rule of birth control pills: do NOT STOP taking birth control pills.
It's basically the same plan, only step one gets revised to "look hot enough that he forgets I fucked his roommate"
You're putting the star player on the bench. You dont put Michael Jordan on the bench.
Are you referring to my vagina as Michael Jordan?
His penis could choke an elephant. A baby elephant... But an elephant non the less.
I like her because we want the same things out of life AND she actually wants to have sex with me.
I'm so high that hamburger just went up my nose. Mustard BURNS
He wants to buy me a wedding ring and pretend to be married to someone else when we fuck. It actually makes me wet thinking about it.
Omg. I just remembered my underwear is in my wallet
Emily saved me from being trapped on my roof and then I beat her in a race at 5am it was a low key night
Jello shots? I thought you weren't drinking tonight.
Im not drinking im slurping
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