I forgot how ruthlessly advertising works on me when I'm high.
he just quoted gucci mane to try and get me to give him head.
Hindsight: maybe I should have included a few transitional texts in between talking about your son and my need to have sex. Do over?
She vajazzled her vag. It was as useless as putting earrings on chewbacca
Come find me please? Im in a ditch.
That doesn't help me much...
I'm right under the moon!
We all know tonight is going to end like every other night with you. drunk, pantless and confused. Dont try to switch things up.
I have to overdose on valtrex I had a rough weekend.
Pissing in la rieve gfox. Jer zsyuis diu drunk but it felt amazunbg
Dans le librearie ivetre. Hjhaha
I'm not sure if you saw my recent facebook update, but I have already put the Radio Flyer wagon to good use. I had someone pull me to the nearest bar.
I'd be a gr8 surrogate. I'm gonna love your fetus
You know why nobody comes up with Sober October? Other than it's Oktoberfest? Because Sober October doesn't benefit anyone, just like your judgment isn't benefiting me. I'll talk to you in November. Unless you make up another alcoholless month.
He got punched in the face, dropped his laptop down a flight of stairs, and broke his roommate's lava lamp, getting all the toxic lava goo everywhere. This is why we don't let him get drunk. And yet here we are.
Talking to friends parents while buying all the things needed for Jell-O shots. classic
just pleasured myself to USA hockey beating Russia in the shoot out. god bless America.
At one point I believe I was despencing medical advice while wearing a sombrero and a hulk hand
Randomize
