woke up in my one night stand's bed and barfed all over her floor. she came back from the bathroom, looked at the vomit, looked at me and said "normally i'd tell you to clean it and get the fuck out, but i remember the sex was good, so i'll let it go." Score.
What if we had a smart house and we could just say "baked" and it would rain donuts?
My brother just put in eyedrops to talk to my mom on the phone
so not only am i rooming with two chicks on the volleyball team, but we just put down the deposit on a hot tub. this is going to be the best summer ever for my dick.
He just told me the blow job I gave him was like a journey
Dude she broke four ribs, how does a 110 lb girl break four of my ribs during sex?! It hurts so bad but was so worth it
I need to puke. I need a shower. I need rehab. I need to detox and puke. I feel like demons are inside of me.
Cassie is wearing a baseball cap. This rebound is going nowhere
Please don't mistake my med student status for responsibility. I'm drinking tequila while studying vascular surgery techniques.
You put your finger on my lips and told me 'the butt is nature's pocket'.
I don't remember that at all, but I stand by what I said
I fell into his fridge. I want to leave.
Sorry that I was such a monster last night. It was the drugs, I promise.
Come eat Chinese buffet and watch us trip on acid. It'll be fun.
It just makes sense. It's like I end a relationship, and wash myself of sin... with tequila.
Listen, you can either give me drugs or an orgasm. You decide.
Randomize
