Omg. Never. Take a laxative the day you are going on. A date.
hanging on that rope, lady gaga looks exactly like a used tampon
all i know is that if they can hide that much blood in her outfit, they definitely could have hid a penis
i called my mom using *69 and said this was the principal and Matt has a snow a day today. she believed me.
I just won unlimited hot dogs for life. I'm so glad I smoked
We really need to stop competing to see who can get more drunk, and I REALLY need to stop winning.
Of all the things I am low enough to do, how could you even doubt if that was one of them?
He and I are basically the same person, except he has a glorious penis and I have glorious breasts.
Tell Chris I said sorry for yelling "It's my vagina, let me do what I want with it!" at the party last night.
I just drank beer out of an old Vicodin bottle hoping to catch some residue. That's how finals week is going
I wonder what dick looks like without astigmatism?
I woke up with clothes on this morning and I'm pretty sure you had something to do with that. Thank you.
Here’s how sick I am. I’m not hungry. I don’t want coffee. And I don’t want dick. So, you know it’s bad.
The creeper at the bar just realized we have the same birthday and bought me four beers already. He walked off so I took his change and dashed, i'm bringing the case over now.
Apparently I showed all your grooms men my vagina to prove I did not have underwear on. Awesome
This is a mass text. Who in the hell shat on my stairs last night?
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