Bea Arthur died yesterday
You shut your stupid mouth
Betty White is next, I just know it.
Betty White will never die! She's like Dick Clark. Rue McCalahan is next.
Did you fuck her?
If by "fuck her" you mean "threw up on her shoes," then yes, I achieved that.
thanks for not screaming that I'm pregnant when that guy was giving me his number.
So after the reception we snuck back into the church for drunken hook up. we passed out there and woke up in time for 6am mass still dressed from the wedding. spiritually trashy or classy?
i hate always having to make my eye shadow look really good since my eyes always end up closed by the end of the night in pics
im never drinking wine from a person in a wet suit and goggles ever again.
It's okay. My lingerie drawer is skanky enough for the two of us. Even across borders.
You were face down in the punch bowl, humming the theme to jaws
That explains the stains on my shirt
I WILL BE THE BEST FICTITIONAL HISTORICAL FIGURE FOR THE FEMENIST MOVEMENT THE WORLD HAS EVER SEEN
I'm watching my cat lick a used condom wrapper on my nightstand and I'm too hungover to move and do anything about it. Tequila Tuesdays can not be a thing.
He wouldn't let me leave his house until he made me orgasm once for every year I've been alive. The birthday sex song did not prepare me for this.
I immediately knew he was tripping, he came over with a grocery bag of snow balls and a bike helmet on and asked if I was prepared to die for my country.
Nothing wrong with a few meaningless hookups. Keeps the mind occupied and the body satisfied
Since when is my clitoris pierced?
Brother gave me a harry potter philosophy book for xmas we need to get stoned and talk about this.
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