capris are just wrong
its like "what can i possible wear to make myself look short and fat? Oh I know!!"
he showed up at my house with a hand-stiched sweater that said "girlfriend?"
Im drunk and they're making me play quiet game. Im scared. Baptists are here
You held your own hair and threw up into a red cup...I think they were more amazed than upset.
I found them on a couch next to the sidewalk screaming at cars with a megaphone. Kevin chased the mailman with a jello shot.
I don't know where Tiffany is but I just saw her shoes in the bar lost and found
I booty called her while she was in labor.
I told him we couldn't hang out because I had strep, he said he's had it once so he couldn't get it again. The sex isn't worth this level of stupidity
I won't be able to make it. Too hung over. Can't hold down fluids. I'm in the bathtub trying to hydrate my body through osmosis. And yes, Tequila Tuesday is totally still on for tonight.
This may be hard to believe, but that wasn't the first time I was fingered under a snuggie
It's not
Yeah, if you don't like strip clubs you won't like microwave chimichangas.
You are a magnificent human being. I love you from head to toe. This wine is DELICIOUS.
Our first order of business as new roommates was to test the sex acoustics of our rooms. I need a new box spring.
it's too much effort for something that isn't food.
I wasn't going to drink. Then there was alcohol so I gave that up.
Randomize
