I don't know how to say this, but I think you're a fucking bitch and the sooner you die I'll be happier.
Sorry- wrong number! :)
I just realized i masturbated to the home shopping network. I either need to get a boyfriend asap, or a subscription to a porn website, or i just need to stop taking ambien
we just pregamed for our presentation... gotta love group bonding
My new apartment is within walking distance of both the liquor store and the chinese buffet. This is either going to be my worst life choice ever or my best.
This better be legit desert and not your penis alamode
i broight you flpweers amd vodka. open yoir bask door
You are too young to settle down enjoy your life. The window to get drunk and have casual sex with strangers gets smaller by the day.
Apparently she got a minor consumption for using vodka soak tapmons
Does that work!! Please say yes
She lost her glasses and we found them on the roof. Don't ask questions. Kings cup was intense last night.
Wait do we still get bagels if no one got laid
I know it doesn't seem right, but sometimes, bagels are just flat out called for.
Bringing my mom Taco Bell and weed. I'm such a good daughter
Just keep your throat open and beer will always find its way in.
It's taking every bit of my restraint not to go to the store and buy chips and cake and like steal someone's dog. PMS is so weird.
He threatened my life and my car because I called you. Are you sure you never slept with him ?
you thought the best thing to say to him was "you aint no fuckin cop"
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