why cant girls ever use the fly? why do they always have to awkwardly try to pull it over your belt?
you won't ask to borrow his earbuds because you think it's gross, but you'll have sex with him?
I understand Curling. That high.
She gave me head because I gave her my pack of cigarettes...And you said quitting would be hard.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You are not allowed to borrow my car ever again. It smells like a hobo orgy happened in my backseat with a hint of onion. What did you do.
Last thing I remember was wondering why there was a mirror on the wall behind the urinal and then realizing I was pissing in the sink.
I have family pictures in an hour and a half and I'm 9 beers deep. This is how I get written out of my grandparents will...
She finally pulled over after almost hitting 4 cars and a semi and asked me if i was rwady i told her to let my penis to come back out
There's green glitter on my nipple rings. #mardigras2013
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Can you bring home an IV stand and an empty bag so I can direct inject coffee for work tomorrow morning?
Mark my words I will never date another cop again. I don't care if he's JESUS.
omg how embarrassing to not hear the delivery person knocking because you're singing "where are you Pizza" to the tune of "where are you christmas" too loudly
Do you remember vividly describing the shape and girth of my cock to that girl last night?
Remember those neighbors I thought were FBI agents? Turns out they're DEA.
I’m not sure she knows my name. She introduced me as “the fuck toy”
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