dude I went to cubs game with my mustache, aviators, and a hooded sweatshirt. Do you think it was irony or fate that there were four 17 year old girls in front of us?
I saw hookers! I saw hookers! I saw hookers! I saw hookers! I saw hookers! I saw hookers! Live in the flesh!
She definitely pulled a diaper out of her purse and cleaned up the vodka with it, where do you meet these people?!
I didn't scare your mother by showing up on the roof, did I?
I puked in a solo cup and then offered it to him. So yeah, it was a rough night.
No, they seem attractive after SIX beers, after three they're just the gender you're looking for.
All I'm saying is that any 24 year old guy who sends me a snapchat from the vantage point of his dick with the caption "hiding behind my weiner" is off my list potentially dateable guys.
Was banging my ex last night when his roommate walked in... We kept going. #goaheadandwatch
You threw a handful of caps into a pitcher of Heineken and asked everyone if they wanted to go "bobbing for molly"
I'm questioning my decision to swallow this morning while my stomach was in hangover mode
To show us how offended you were you took off the right foot of your pterodactyl suit and proceeded to attack us with it.
she crossed my comfort zone...i thought i was a freak
said the guy with a pink sex swing...
I hate csi yet I find myself watching a full marathon. I am also eating hotdog buns stuffed with barbecue chips and they are quite tasty
Dear Douchebag, I would just like to formally issue this fuck you. You will be receiving a letter in the mail soon. With all of your stuff.
oh and i figured out why we kept smelling vomit. ive got vomit on my socks. putting the heater on my feet was not the best of ideas.
Randomize
