i think i want to fuck a midget just to see how difficult it would be
it can't be normal that my body odor smells like fries
Great News, you CAN smoke bowls with a magnifying glass
He literally had a note from his doctor saying he wasn't allowed to finger me for a week
If you fool around, take the WHITE sweatshirt off of her first. It's mine, and I don't like your cum nearly as much as she does.
My head. My head is the problem. Also alcoholism.
I asked him if we could hang out sometime when we weren't hammered. He said he'd email me his number... that's when I knew I was going to die alone
My tuesday consisted of speaking to a federal agent for two hours and watching a roving band of gypsies jump over a fire until 2:30am
I may have just made our entire microwave glow green. Like big green. Like spark and make me shit green.
Like worse than the time I blew up the microwave with the egg green.
Alls I wanted was a fun New Years but I end up fingering a geico sales representative on a futon and giving her a ride to work the next morning
You know your night is done when the police confiscate your bra at high school basketball game
It's like the bat signal. He only texts me when I'm naked.
Are u alive? If u are, you deserve an award.
I've had way too many dicks in my mouth the past two weeks. Ready to go back to school and be a doctor now
How early is too early to start day drinking? Asking for a friend
About five minutes ago. You’re good now.
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