i love how you can even make your typing come across bitchy
No. You are not the Kate in this relationship. I will do what I want.
If my boyfriend wants to eat his own jizz after masturbating, what does that make him?
I am kinda proud of you, its like seeing my slutty baby take its first step
I thought you'd have died of alcohol poisoning years ago! How'd you get my number?
Good idea. You gotta take care of your vagina. She takes care of you. Pay it forward.
Apparently he's taking the slut he cheated on me with on a cruise for her birthday. THAT COULD HAVE BEEN ME. TITANTIC STYLE.
Also my vagina isn't a crater of death where nothing comes out
He is really real. Like I know where he works, have referenced him with mutual fb friends and I've seen his dick. He's real.
I would sacrifice a finger for two more hours of sleep.
Every day I wake up and there is no spectacular morning wood waiting for me I get so sad.
Dude you came into the room last night soak and wet and told me you just took a shit in the shower
My roommate has a sixth sense about my jerking off and walks in EVERY. SINGLE. TIME.
A reminder in my phone just went off saying, "Fuck.On.Roof- the Great Bambino". This makes me excited and slightly nervous.
Grandma keeps pulling a bottle of captain from her pocket and spiking people's drinks.. She just yelled "I'm DAMN HOT to be a grandma!" .. I LOVE HER.
Randomize
