Dude, no matter how drunk you are, it's not okay to hug every other guy at a strip club. Mainly because boners are far too common.
my cat ate my toast this morning while i was getting dressed. i can already tell today is going to suck.
until you tell me otherwise ill assume we're playing "cavity search" the homeland security game to spice up our sex life
Sorry for calling you a whore in front of your mom. World cup brings the worst out of me.
she said and I quote "NO SOUP FOR YOU!!!" and closed her legs.
I like to keep a steady black out going for the holidays. I feel it makes me less cynical
He stopped mid-sex to read the subtitles on a Korean movie we had playing in the background.
You ruined me. I can't stop referring to everything outside as the "no-walls" ever since you showed me that video while I was tripping balls. My speech may be permanently altered for the rest of earth spins
He brought me four big burritos and two joints! He can sleep with his bank teller any time he wants!
Rule #61 of being a lady: never get fingered by a finger with a knuckle tattoo
you know it's been too long when the heat of a pizza box on your lap turns you on.
I've never said "lesbians" so many times in a short response answer
pretty sure I blew his mind with the sex last night. He repaid me with a five minute conversation about power rangers.
Why do I have "apologize to Dave Coulier" written on my hand?
My desire to pee is a lot higher than my need to be buzzed right now.
Randomize
