What would a frattoo be? Maybe like the Chinese symbol for Keystone Light.
it wouldnt have been so bad but she still had the cowboy hat on when my mom walked in
She just did a bodyshot off herself. I don't care that it's only seven thirty, come pick her up.
we made out at a charity event. really i was helping the fight against aids...
Tried to bribe the bartender with wedding cake. Felt bad for not giving her a tip.
She is high at the bar - she thinks the bottle of frangelico is aunt jemima telling her to stop doing drugs.
You need to get over here. I think the drunks are about to sacrifice a chicken to the beer gods. Or a freshman. Stay tuned.
Lest we forget our veterans. Also that two years ago I lost my virginity on this day in a hot tub. Go me for being the worst person on earth.
I didn't realize how drunk I was until my vagina was in the snow.
I want Samuel L. Jackson to stand beside me and narrate my morning shits.
I have a third degree burn on my inner thigh from the blunt dropping on me in the car
how does spending your day off taking me to the hospital sound?
Seriously bro? Indoor roman candle wars? I guess I'll never see that fucking security deposit again
Now all I want to do is stay up, drink wine, and look at dragons.
And the next thing I knew I was blowing this random hot italian bartender with an uncircumcised penis in his work closet
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