You stole her cigarette screaming that you were going to stop the air cancer from getting everyone.
at least i was looking out for everybody
i swear i just saw perry the platypus. the fuck dude. i shouldnt even know who that is
You came into my room at 3am.. drunk.. and asked to do spanish homework together. Props for being a good student.
just watched paranormal activity stoned. laughed the whole time and screamed when they turned on the lights. eating doritos. I love my life
just got a rotting pancake and bacon in the mail from your address....
Dude I think I vomited on the wireless internet box too...it isnt working.
she both took care of me and took advantage of me. it was BEAUTIFUL.
It's only 11:30 and she's already making friends with the homeless...
The homeless guy out front said it's his birthday and he asked us to join him for happy hour after work. He's buying a fifth of gin to celebrate.
Boobs speak an international language.
Bad Decision October is in full swing. I was telling people that "I put on eye makeup today, I'm takin' a dude home with me!".
Within the hour, he sent me 8 texts and 4 voice memos. One of the memos was just him whistling for 3 minutes. ...It's official, I attract the crazies.
Like when I see him I look straight through his appearance and just envision a big walking penis.
WHY DID YOU NOT OFFER TO LET HIM STAY
Dude, it's like you want him inside me more than i do
I promise it wsnt a penis when i put it in my mouth
Randomize
