I just came to the conclusion that the most depressing part of my day is when I have to put clothes on.
my mom just poured a water bottle of wine to take my dog on a walk...
after watching ten minutes of "the decision," I conclude that King Lebron has more influence on America than Barak Obama. I love our countries values.
So, how do I go about conveying: I'm sorry, yet very glad she is having my abortion. Via text msg?
Fucking plugged the shower with taquitos I just threw up.
Sorry I was drunk and left blood all over your back seat I was pretending to be in private Rayan and used your thong as a bandage
A woman on my train just walked down the carriage in a wedding dress, crying and clutching a can of Carlsberg. Oh...
Do you ever feel like a plastic bag?!
Yknow what, if there is a thug life for white bitches, I'm living it. I went out on a date, watched howls moving castle with my brother till he passed out, then went and got some a+ dick, and made it home in time to take my mom to work. Now its 7am, I'm in bed with some free tacos, and when I'm done eating I'm going to sleep. What a great night.
It's like when your main girl and your side girl start having their period in the same week
You are the most depressed sports fan I know
someone wrote my own number down on my hand and then call me.
i mean hes a break dancing puerto rican, how do you think the sex was?
she started chasing me through the forest like a horny serial killer
When the stripper from this weekend is your cashier at Publix the next day 😐💀#pensacolaproblems
Did I tell you about my dream that I got handed a $100 and my vagina dissolved it? I think it wants me to not be a whore anymore.
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