I don't think I own any pants that haven't seen his bedroom floor anymore...
I think this breakup is Gods way of telling me I deserve a bigger dick
The fire breather is here so I may get my second wind.
Our logic class started an hour ago, I walked out and found my sister drunk, sitting down, eating m&ms, afraid to walk in... I want her life
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
just found out i can blow out the flame on the grill lighter fill my mouth with butane and ignite a fireball
This morning I learned I traded my sunglasses for a Big Lebowski sticker at the football game.
OK! No more randoms over for the next month this is the third fucking time I caught a naked dude drinking my OJ in the middle of the night.
The only way I can describe the noise he makes when he has an orgasm: dying walrus.
You took it upon yourself to rid the world of them, and by that I mean you dressed up as Batman and started kicking them in the shins.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Because everyone is allowed one half drunken 7:30 am walk back to campus in a cowgirl costume, right?
Cool. I might be making a sickly but incredibly well dressed wine drunk appearance in a couple hours
I didn't see her "bad karma" tattoo until after I was balls deep
But what we lack in money, we make up for in dry humor and drugs
I despise everything about her. Except her tits.
she's 6'2. you bet your ass i slept with her.
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