Stop everything. They have oreo straws to drink milk with and then you eat the straw. I think i just got turned on by a cookie commercial.
Just passed a sign for an "adult food and fuel superstore". Wtf does that even mean?
im not sure but a few things come to mind which just makes me giggle
Guys should not giggle. Ever.
I mean I'm basically single. Or maybe just an asshole. Either way.
Get everyone out of their dorms and watch 3 girls do the walk of shame from my room.
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i just got yelled at for having sex. this sorority thing is worst than being at home. at least at home they think im still a virgin
cheating on your boyfriend is the best diet ever, I've barely eaten in days. The guilt is killing me
why does my status of facebook already read REHAB 2011
I'm trying to think of how to explain to the dentist tomorrow that I think I pulled my jaw muscle eating pizza while drunk.
He was puking up tons. He aimed his face inside his coat. Not a drop in my car. Then he thanked me for the ride.
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Sometimes crazy just comes naturally. I don't need booze to say that on occasion I feel the need to rip off my asshole and throw it against the fridge to see if it sticks.
when seducing a hipster, do you think taking a nude pic on a lomo-camera app would increase my chances? grainy off-colored boobs and telling him how much i like reading salinger?
There are no winners in a lube eating competition.
It's Christmas. You could splurge on something a LITTLE fancier than wine in a box.
I'm a lady. Ladies do NOT hump the floor.
Had sex outside for the third time last night. Mosquito bites all over my ass, and i think i have a rash on my nipples. When will i learn.
Just wait till winter
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