Odds of those being real?
One in who gives a fuck
I'm okay.. I had a good heart to heart with the cab driver Raheem - it's going to be our year.
I am literally using a balloon as a pillow on a park bench.
this lesbian fantasy crush is getting WAY out of hand. just spent an entire meeting staring at her long fingers thinking, "oh those could be fun"
I think we should have realized the night was going to be nuts when it started with a bum dying in front of my house.
He goes "hi, free today?" WHEN AM I EVER FREE ON A SATURDAY, I GOT HUNGOVER TO BE AND DRUNK TO GET.
A cute girl just told me she forgot to take her birth control and winked... I've never been so conflicted about fleeing in terror
just once i'd like to actually BE there for your crazy drunk stories instead of just getting the play-by-play by people who can't remember half of it
PUT DOWN THE JOINT AND STEP AWAY FROM THE TRUSTAFARIAN
Apparently, im the only one in the world who thinks Larry King is hot.
How much weed should I buy my mom for her birthday?
So I came to the conclusion that who ever pour my ever clear out saved my life
My neck feel like I've been sucking Goliath's dick.
just had sex in a stairwell with six feet five inches worth of drama
I can always count on you to keep my boobs honest
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