today's thought: if you're naming your fb album "wEdDiNg dAy!!!!!!" you're too young to get married
Dude I still wanna know who I had sex with on new years eve
I think she must be bulimic. I mean, every time I see her I know i want to throw up.
You put your name in his phone but not your number then screamed "Open the door!" and jumped out of the car
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Indeed. Apparently I called my sisters and told them I wouldn't get arrested because it's not a real sword.
I had sex with marker all over my face so I can do just about anything.
Yes, he does have a boomerang dick. No matter how many times I throw it away, it keeps coming right back and winds up hitting me in the head.
My favorite part of you downing a fifth of fireball in my apartment by yourself is the shot glass in the sink. It's like you attempted moderation and were just like "Fuck this."
Your pictures have evolved a lot over the years but I think your angry dick pic phase was one of my favorites
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You left your hot dogs in my dresser again
He shampooed and conditioned his pubes but can't manscape for shit.
Woke up with an entire pizza face down in my bed beside me... untouched. Never beer bong a whole bottle of wine.
It's probably not a good thing when it isn't even 6:30 and I've already drank an entire bottle of wine. By myself. I'm watching Spice World and I just bought 2 Spice Girls albums off itunes.
Make that 3 Spice Girls albums.
WE JUST PASSED A FUCKING SPACE SHIP! NOT JOKING! A REAL FUCKING SPACE SHIP! THIS IS NOT THE DRUGS! SPACE! SHIP!
he had to stop me from eating snow off the street on the way back to pick up our cars. that's how hungover i am.
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