No, we're smoking outside. We're hot boxing the world.
they bought blue cups instead of red...wtf how am i supposed to pretend im on laguna beach??
Im sure that doesnt mean its ruined... It was your bithday you get a free "im drunk at 7 am" card
Security brought me back to our hotel room in a wheelchair last night. Vegas.
And if you ever tell anyone that I will fucking kill you.
We don't have a ruler. Come downstairs and lay in the snow with a boner so we can see how much snow we've gotten. Put your 8 inches to a less shameful use.
You tried taking his shirt off at the bar. He was 37 and married with kids.
I had a dream she was puking on me, but sadly in real life she was puking on me too
Are sex swings allowed in dorms
I just realized I'm currently not eating carbs, drinking alcohol or having sex. 2014 is off to a horrible start.
He said his name was Tony, after last night I will refer to him as Tiny
I have never in my life been turned down for sex until this weekend.
Welcome to my everyday.
are you drinking tonight?
I have an exam tomorrow
so yes.
Got a blowjob while watching James Bond's "Octopussy." My 13 year old self would be so proud
Just come here quick. I'm home in 3min. It will take you literally less than 5 to walk. Then 2 to undress, 16 to fuck, 2 to dress again and 5 to walk back..!!
exactly 16 eh??
No pussy. I don't care what time of year it is you do not look tough wearing sandals. Honestly you look like a high school guidance counselor.
Randomize
