Great. Don't do shady things like that ok?
I just looked at my iPhone gps history... "the gas station", "the park with a big scary fence", "the trampoline", and, my favorite, "where we were when we were about to do lines off a bible".
I got a job at a micro-brewery. Now who made the bigger mistake, them or me?
Whatever. It was high school. Back then I'd blow anyone who had enough room between their chest and their steering wheel for my head to fit.
You showed up at my apartment after 3 am wasted with a plate of cookies and tried to hook up.
Sorry about that. Except for the cookies.
i looked down and was like "oh shit thats blood" then it was like "shit, thats not my blood." then it was like whos blood is this??
This is what we get for YOLOing our way to obesity
He's freaking out just because my cat licked his balls while he was fucking me
Ok in all seriousness. Alcohol intake is now restricted for me. I found handcuffs in my trunk.
Day drinking is so dangerous way too many construction workers out there to flirt with
I threw away my jacket instead of washing it, the jungle juice stained me more of shame than red food coloring... i have never been that white girl wasted before...
I'm writing off my condom expenses in my taxes
But how MUCH of an emergency? Like, should I go to the ER now, or can it wait until after the bar crawl?
My neck is sore from all the headbanging. And I can't tell the difference between the jello stains and cum stains.
This bitch goes out driving during the nor'easter to get her ass eaten.. that’s dedication
Randomize
