He said if I blew him first he'd last longer....if 3 minutes is lasting longer, I'm not sure the bj was worth it
what if every blade of grass was a penis?
I had another sleeping on concrete incident.
So instead of getting the if-you-hurt-my-little-girl-youre-dead talk, i got the alcohol-is-our-friend talk, i like her dad already
the bride spent most of the night apologizing to people she had punched earlier.
drunk her ninja stole one of the pizzas as it arrived and hid all of the pieces in a cereal box in the fridge.Genius.
You kept going up to guys in plaid and screaming "are you a lumberjack" in their faces
Lets play a game called: how out of it are you today? Let me know if you can beat driving on the wrong side of the road twice and walking up two extra flights of stairs just because you weren't paying attention to what floor you are on....
I'm high and I have a consensual booty call on the way and just thought that it was a good time to let you know that I think that you are a stellar person.
Sex should not remind me of how baby birds get fed
Killing two birds with one stone tonight: mastrabation meditation. Win win.
Molly was fun. I was in a captain planet onesie in Wal-Mart talking to everyone haha
the kid next to me in math class is drawing gay porn. it's good, but that is beside the point
Damn you are the highwater mark of the naked women in my life. Like idk what lined up but yeah.
Fuck your fuckin pumpkin spice. You and your subtle differences frighten and disgust me.
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