Also I am about to cut a ringtone from "Sex Machine" so James Brown can tell me to "get up, get on up" in the morning
I once woke up to the scream from 'get up offa that thing' and smacked my head on my desk
it was almost as awkward as hearing my parents on friday nights in 2 in the morning starting, and than hearing at 2:01 my dad getting up and my mom going "i should have married a man"
I hate myself for saying your mom and I have the same friday nights.
don't worry... so do I
I am not a stalker...i just bring a whole new meaning to the word love
i cant do it anymore.. every time this girl orgasms she sounds like a motorcycle
i wish i had the videos of us pissing on him last night.
If i pass out for a while at graduation, please atleast TRY to wake me?
I'm basically a mama hen. I keep them warm and let them wonder around the house. not to mention, I keep eye on them just in case the falcons around the house try to snatch them away.
I don't even know what to say right now
I can't keep up with all the guys you're banging. I'm just going to start referring to them by city of origin.
Why does my jaw hurt?
I may have punched you.
Dude he did say "let's go cougar hunting" and you KNEW your mom was going out last night...so it's kind of your own fault for not coming
Wait. You NEVER used a Dizzy Doodler pen as a vibrator?!?
Can you think of a sexual word rhyming with snorkel?
yo knit me an eyepatch. but also make it usable as a thong
NO. NONE OF THAT. SHAME ON YOU.
I had the good sense not to tell her that my summer goal is to get fucked by a med student while wearing a party dress and sparkly shoes
Randomize
