Me= Watching Ferngully. My neighbor= Having really loud sex including multiple orgasms
Oh God
I know, but the worst part is I'm not really sure which I'd rather be doing. Feel free to re-evaluate our friendship
Remind me to tell you about the dream where im a fighting a super hero whose only weakness is sunkist.
All four of us managed to throw up in the same bathroom at different times during the night. I think we'll get along great living together.
He's used the term "balls deep" 3 times in the first hour. Thanks a lot, Plenty of Fish.
I just used a baby fork as a roach clip. I am totally the cool aunt.
He was having Sex and you yelled 'hot and dangerous!" and he responded with "if you're one of us then roll with us!" when he went to he bathroom I saw her getting dressed, looking mortified.
Her vagina was like a painting you can put your face in.
The ketchup exploded, and totally splooged his face and the wall. You could see the outline of his head in the wall splatter.
I need a drink and a shade of lipstick that will put the fear of God in a man's heart.
Best part about losing weight and not fitting into your pants any longer? They come off quick for chipotle emergencies.
I'm at the back whiskey bar with a 7 and 7 in a winnie the pooh costume. Come find me.
I'm like a saiyan, every time I get trashed I come back stronger
You’re about to have a sober threesome with a rando at a Fenway bar?
I have never been that aroused while laughing my ass off in my life
I’m vetoing meatball margaritas right out the gate. We can’t have people throwing up again!
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