I'll have you know...trying to masturbate while a song about jesus is stuck in your head is next to impossible
So remember when i bet you that girl uses dick to validate her existence?
...yea
She's valid.
All I seem to do lately is get myself off, take naked pictures and drink beer. I don't know if thats a good or bad thing.
take it from a girl who woke up with a girl in her bed... you were not that drunk.
Just took a closer look at the paper that kid wrote me his number on. It was an ATM receipt. His balance is $17.89. i made the right choice.
so i just drove past a racoon and a kid on a long board... god i love 4am white castle runs
you don't seem to understand just how much pasta i spilled on my bed last night.
I drank myself into bisexuality again.
I had to convince you not to write "happy birthday to the first guy who fingered me" on his facebook wall, right above the post from his current girlfriend's mother.
Passed out on her toilet. Dog licked my face to wake me. Awkward talk with her boyfriend, who hadn't been home last night. Not sure exactly what town I'm in, but I'm south. Will call for ride when I figure it out.
Dude. The amount of love and appreciation from a house full of stoners when you come home at 4 am with donuts is overwhelming. The kind of love to make Jesus have to work a little harder at his unconditional love thing.
You're dick is like the main character. It needs its own picture.
I used to sleep with a guy on the USA rugby team... He stole my credit card and my Hitman DVD. I'm more upset about the Hitman DVD..
we had sex while we waited for the thai food... a which will come first type of situation
I've never been so drunk at home. I just sat on the toilet playing with toilet paper for ten minutes, I almost made a paper crane.
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