the ***** family is living proof that there are no more lifeguards in the humen gene pool
Nakedness is not a toga. Just sayin
Whoa. I woke up to 10 new text messages. All about bacon.
I am gunna fuck the accent right out of her mouth
Also, new rule: You are no longer allowed to send me a text with the word "dildo" in it before 10am.
He passes out, I smoke his kush. All's fair in love and a disappointing lack of sex.
She sprained her ankle last night trying to flash me.
Donald Trump and I would be so adorably orange together!
I'm just gonna go with where the wind takes me. if it takes me to his dick, so be it.
SOMEONE WITH THE TWITTER HANDLE "METHLAB" FAVORITED THAT PICTURE
Waking up next to a guy you don't remember going home with and the first thing you say is: where is my tiara? = successful birthday
Do you think it would be weird to add her on Facebook?
You just commited a felony act together, I honestly think we're beyond this.
He went in for a kiss so I shook his hand instead.
YOU ARE STRONGER THAN YOUR VAGINA
I am watching the most amazing drunk person ever. Literally such a trooper that you can put anything in front of him he'll drink it. His latest reason for taking another shot was: well whatever. I'm never gonna get married anyway.
Randomize
