a smallpox vaccine scar is like a lower back tattoo.
Man, ugly runs in her family
yeah, big time
...you put a chicken patty in my toaster last night..
can't believe I ate straight coffee grounds to stay awake for that
we found you standing over and eating out of my neighbor's garbage can
that beer fried lasagna last night was sooo good
that wasnt beer fried lasagna, you just poured beer on my lasagna
3 guesses about who had to still-drunkenly facilitate a fire drill at 2:40am because freshmen can't handle microwave popcorn.
I'm eating a piece of cake like an apple. At least my thought process is healthy.
You were, but he disappeared after you said you wanted him to get you pregnant so you'd have a child by the time the Boy Meets World sequel starts
I drank a girls breast milk at this wedding. Shit was next level
I need to stop acting like a porn star that isn't getting paid
She asked what a chaser is. I died a little inside, please come back..
the cops drove by and you were on your back in the middle of the side walk with your arms and legs in the air yelling that you were a dead bug .
I have so much to do, no motivation, and Harry Potter is on. You KNOW whats taking priority in my life right now
That’s the third time this month he’s hooked up with a girl by telling her it’s his bachelor party, and he’s not even dating a chick let alone engaged.
Randomize
