I am one bad relationship away from having 30 cats.
Attention: due to the power outage we will not be playing drinking games and watching the royal wedding. Bring your own bottle and we'll just drink in silence.
Got hereat 8. Had 6 beers 2 shots and a game of diZZY BATOS
As hard as i've been partying lately their gonna have to revoke my organ donor status
I wanna throw up and cum in that order
I always forget that visiting my hometown is like a who's who of ugly people.
soon, soon....
I don't believe you anymore. You're like the boy who cried coitus.....
We hit a deer while we were singing an acapella version of "I will always love you"
There is an alarming amount of urine in here.
You have mono. It's like being pregnant, your are excused from normal social niceties like responding to people.
Turns out the bartender I fucked is the bar owner. WHY THE FUCK DO I PAY FOR HALF MY DRINKS? IS SEX NOT TIP ENOUGH?
As planned I took it to the limit. Then we met a new limit. Now they are limit friends.
Oh yeah, you are a real peach except for shitting uncontrollably and bleeding out of your face.
Shit. My boss is having me meet and greet with the new doc upstairs. Do you think his doctor powers will detect that I'm still high?
I need to take my iPad to the Apple store (when this is all over). Do I need to delete all my dick pics/videos or are they used to stumbling across that sort of thing?
Randomize