I got into an eating contest with Christina. I ate 6 oranges.
Why? Who won?
we don't know. we ran out of oranges.
Her body is shaped like a coke bottle...a two liter coke bottle
but there are maragaritas for $3 so that was all i needed to hear
he just payed for our date, after telling him I was leaving early to meet my fuck buddy. is there something lower than friendzone I can stick this guy in?
I'm considering telling her about my dream where I made a sex tape with her boyfriend. you know to test our friendship
If I had a quarter for every time I had sex in your bed while you were out of town, I would probably be a lot more willing to buy you new sheets. Hope you're having a nice vacation.
She's calming us down by shoving oreos in our mouths
Did you really get up in the middle of a tattoo to go get Taco Bell?
I'm coming right back.
After I was kicked out of the last frat I blacked out, woke up in the hospital with no clothes no phone and no idea what happened last night. But i got hospital socks, thats a win in my book.
Go christen that room with your naked body.
Well I passed out before 4:20 on 4/20 so I deem it a failure AND a success.
Explain why there's a meatball in my bong
Honestly at least you're not debating on whether or not you need to take plan b. But I can't because I spent all my money on pizza.
We were making fun of some people having sex on the beach, an hour later we were having sex on a golf course
The bad thing is that I bled through my bandages last night and keep finding blood around the house. It's almost like a scavenger hunt for solber me. I get to find out where drunk me went.
Randomize
