I just saw a guy give a mop to his fat wife and say "Look, an exercise stick!"
the hot woman interviewing me is reading jokes off the back of laffy taffy.... I'm getting laid and possibly a job
Do you think my bosses would frown upon Jameson with breakfast on this holiest of days?
I have to fuck proof my bed. It was in the middle of the room this time.
All I remember was after sex she kept trying to take pictures of my dick "for memories"
I'm eating cheerios out of the palm of my hand while I pee with the door open. Is this adulthood?
She called us while she was having sex to ask if we remembered to feed the cat
I dont understand how her boyfriend puts up with her weirdness
the manly guy you want to date so badly? he's at the club. as a drag queen. wearing higher heels than you own. think about that.
Dude you chased a girl around the yard and then fell over the curb. Face first. You got up on your own tho so you reached champion status
I'll pass on that plan. The lack of my penis in new vaginas is no where on the itinerary.
I just scored a new eye doctor and a date all in one email. BOOM!
Also I think I realized when my life started to turn into shambles.. The day I took my high school senior picture WITH A HICKEY ON MY NECK
I woke up with leftover chocolate syrup on my nipples. WTF happened last night??
I feel like I have the I just lost my virginity face and everyone at the grocery store knows it.
He fucked me so hard my contacts fell out! Didnt know that was possible.
Randomize
