The size of her hoop earrings are directly related to how much of a slut she is.
words of advice: black light parties reveal cum stained clothing.
I had my first sober conversation with his roommate. I remembered half way through that the first time we met I was getting fucked on his counter
I'm gonna lurk in the mother fucking bushes and watch karma take him down like a gimpy gazelle.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
If it makes you feel any better, karma just served me up a big dose of fuck you.
Well I'm currently debating between getting toilet paper or getting my eyebrows waxed so... There's that
Btw: some husbands are not impressed by me trying to snap photos of their wives camel toe.
Hello, the Less Drunk that has my sister's phone. I am the Moderately Drunk. I am questioning your Friday activities. Why are you not the More Drunk?
I'm going to write a horror movie. It's going to be called "Fat People on a Squeaky Bed" and it's going to feature me laying in bed last night listening to my overweight roommate and her fat boyfriend tossing and turning all night
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
EXCEPT MY COUSIN SAW MY SEX TAPE!
The groom's brother was an accomplishment. Then I remembered he was also the officiant. Check and check.
I drunkenly texted ur dad last night telling him he raised great kids hahahahaha
He called me kiddo. We can't have sex
Does it look too obvious if I buy wine and candles!?! In my defense there is a gigantic snow storm coming.
my downstairs neighbor came by to say he’s having a huge loud party tomorrow, handed me a toblerone bar, and said thank you in advance for your understanding
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