dude your cousin who was wearing the skirt wasn't wearing any underwear
gross she's a slut
yea she doesn't shave either
After the sixth shot I started to slur my pauses.
i feel like his penis is a security blanet. i cant fall asleep unless its in my hand
Your like the Mozart of blow jobs, you make every other girl seem like cheesy elevator music.
This dude. Just lost. A finger. He asked us for tape.
My relaxing drive may end up as a surprise bootycall in Pittsburgh. Don't try to stop me.
no dude free pina colada`s taste like what I would expect my penis to taste like except gay-er.
And I'm stuck at home while my dad's in vegas hanging out with Zach gali... Zach... That guy from the hangover
Went kayaking. drunk. DID NOT FALL IN. Mission succesful.
It wasn't your birthday, you weren't supposed to be the drunk one
When people keep buying you drinks at the bar because they like you, you can't say no to them
well what the fuck is the POINT of teetotal mardi gras
My relationship: I'm wearing batman panties and a tiara right now trying to get laid and he's doing dishes.
my mom talks about my drinking like its a problem and yet this morning she fills me a solo cup with champagne for the shower.
So her ex boyfriend came up a lot in conversation while I was fucking her. Is that weird?
Who the fuck has a conversation during sex?
I need dick so bad, I’m dressing sexy for the school pick up line and sports practices to entice a few of the DILFs
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