u sent me just one boob. one just doesnt do it for me. u dont get full on a half a rack of ribs u need a full one
He's either a really good actor or an actual prince, I'm fine with both so I'll sleep with him.
I only want to screw him when I'm drunk. Problem is I try to be drunk as often as possible
Correct me if I'm wrong, but I did not stop moving last night. If tequila gives me that extra push to have an active lifestyle, so be it.
So getting drunk in honor of the bomb threat is legit right?
I can't even look at my running shoes. I swear I drank more in the last 2 days than the last 6 months combined
Idk tell her to wear something sluttty. I have that one skirt I got arrested in if she wants to borrow?
It's now 8:05 on a Wednesday night and I'm already going home with my bra in my purse.
Dude. My cat just tried to bat the tampon string hanging from body. NOT COOL, SEYMOUR. NOT COOL.
i woke up with 5 inch heels locked on my feet and my car keys missing. this is gonna be an interesting walk home
I feel like I missed the land of milk and honey and instead wound up in the land of beer and pizza. And yet, I think I'm happier here.
sooo the guy I beat last night in strip pong is the manager's husband at my new job...
You keep talking about hotdogs and yelling "COME ON DOWN, LET ME SEE WHAT YOU'RE WEARING"
Just let me pee on you and I'll leave you alone.
My neighbour just came round to ask why we posted a spatula through his door at 3am. What do I tell him??
Randomize
