you fell asleep during kickboxing this morning
how does that even happen??
Reason #1 for no sex outdoors: Mosquito bites. Awkward, awkward mosquito bites.
Do you think we're allowed to sign male strippers into the building with a valid id?
Question. Will thrown up fruit loops go down the shower drain?
They're calling for 20 inches of snow but I'll have a dirtbike for emergency trips to the liquor store. Even if I crash it won't hurt.
Im sorry for drunkenly throwing your phone into the ocean. At the time it seemed like a good way for you not to text him
We finally have the house to ourselves and your out playing Lance Fucking Armstrong
He drops f bombs like every other word and he just gave me 127 shares of tmobile stock for free. I feel like I should pay him back in blow jobs or something.
I wound up running down the street in 12 degree weather in just my bra and then fell asleep cuddling my bottle. You tell me how last night went.
This girl I interned with got engaged today and I'm just like over here taking plan B with my tacos and PBR.
I'm to the point of desperation where I stare at customers penis imprints through their pants all day
how much of this shit do i need to take before i think its a good idea to set the house on fire and scream satanic mantras?
you are the root of all my greats nights and my worsts decisions
I'm getting paid to get fucked up. How much better could this get?
Quit being awkward towards me every time the group is together. They're going to figure out we're fucking.
Randomize
