I had new employee orientation at the YMCA today. I showed up with a hangover, a black eye, scratches down my arm, and a sore throat from puking gin and keystone.
I fell asleep with crest white strips on and ate one...
the best days in LIFE are when you realize you arent pregnant
they almost convinced me to put "Funbags" in the 'other names you may be known as' section of the job application
When i walked in, you were in bed with a hot chick rolled up in a green blanket and said you were acting like a caterpillar..
I guess you don't realize how much twelve bags of chips are, until they're all over your floor.
Well i tried snorting sugar. so either that made me puke or the fact that i drank water from a fish tank
We started a mustache riot at white castle at 4 in the morning. Will explain in detail.
Let's not refer to him as Dustin. That makes him seek like a real person, not just a dick I would like to experience.
Happy birthday, you long dick monster
I'm still depressed that I forgot my ice cream at your place
We stole a Christmas tree from the student center and then decorated it with everything we stole from parties... All I have to say is Feliz Navidad!
We'd like to invite you to our threesome! Lingerie is encouraged and drinks will be provided. Next Friday, roommate night, my bedroom. Hope to see you there!
Haha I wasn't coming anyway. I'm watching Snow White and don't want to put pants back on. Those are completely unrelated. Have a good night.
you'll kiss me after i give you a blowjob but you wont kiss me after I eat apple sauce? am I the only one who sees something wrong with this?
Randomize
