Don't judge me. Haven't eaten all day so I'm in my room sticking my finger in peanut butter, then jam, then my mouth.
Haha im Trying. This detox stuff tastes nasty. It's bad when the only thing that came to mind when i took the first sip was how good it would be with Vodka
It was about the point the universe collapsed in on itself and I was a singularity of insanity that I realized I was tripping balls.
VAGINAS ASSEMBLE!
I'm not seeing this movie with you.
We left the knife in your bed.
When he sent me a picture, I swear my vag frowned. That tiny.
ever had one of those days where you say fuck it and lick the inside of a bag of chips
Best line overheard at the bar: "This is the last time I'm shaving my ass for him...I mean we just broke up".
You realize that if you get murdered while we're talking, I'm gonna have to explain to your next of kin why the last thing on your phone is a picture of my boobs.
HOCKEY BUTTS AND BASEBALL BUTTS HONESTLY DO SOMETHING TO ME
Thanks. It's every girl's dream, right? To blow a bald marketing consultant 12 years her senior?
We had a company shotgunning beers contest in the parking lot today, and I won. God bless America!
she just punched him in the balls in front of everyone and yelled "YOU SEE WHAT YOU MADE ME DO"
I wasn't going to drink. Then there was alcohol so I gave that up.
I went to the nurse and she literally told me I was too sexually active and wrote me a prescription for 7 days of pelvic rest...... Hahahhahaha
Randomize
