Why is it people are always in costumes on Cheaters these days? Joe Greco literally just said, "It appears they get chased by a chicken with a chainsaw." WTF?
in hindsight, drinking 2 bottles of wine probably wasnt going to put me in an optimal position for a job interview
Just found out my brother beats off to Lauren Conrad. the Hills will never be the same.
Once you realized you couldn't finish the 30 you started walking down the street and leaving a beer in everyone's mailbox
I just found a bottle of gin in my vegetable crisper. Party is back on.
Note to self: never do anything I don't want to explain to a paramedic
I know it's not standard practice to meet the couple you donate to, but i'm curious as to what kind of people saw my picture and said, we want that girl's eggs
With any luck I will spend the duration of this flight with my tray table up my seatbelt securely fastened and my face in his lap
She showed up to the party with a live octopus and a 30 pack that was already half gone
woke up in your bed at 6 AM. on my way home I passed Nathan, bloody, barefoot, and still in a toga. He told me he woke up in a ditch then kept repeating "I'm totally bringing this up at meeting tomorrow". I'm proud of your frat today
If God invented something better than rough, drunken, lesbian sex he kept that shit to himself.
When you sleep in the bathroom, you're no longer a guest.
Is it too far to say to someone "you're useless for everything besides sex"
I was high as fuck laying down in the back seat while she gave him head. Most awkward chill moment of my life.
He stole one of my good bras again. If I'm not getting laid I'm not putting with this shit. Also it's a walk of shame for you today, my car is suicidal again.
Randomize
