So stoned I forgot I was masturbating and went to go get a cookie.
It sucks..Now I'm depressed because appearence wise, she's the closest to my favorite pornstar I'll ever get..
When I get home we should play "let's see how many Christmas movies we can watch before we start having sex."
We didn't want to make a pit stop so I just helped my husband pee in a bottle. No one told me this was part of love.
He is the blood diamond of hook ups. You think you want it...but you don't
I'm praying that the company stray cat shows up tomorrow. I think I may have hit it while leaving Friday. Nobody will believe it was an accident after I hit the last one.
Today I left one job interview, showed up randomly at his house for a midday bootycall then left right after to attend my second job interview. I got both jobs
I'm truly not mad that he's at a strip club, it's that he couldn't look far enough into the future to figure out how to get himself home from one
he just kept texting even after we lit his shoelaces on fire. he just calmly walked into the pool... still texting.
his butt looks cute in my panties so i decided he has to wear panties all the time from now on.
I didn't think it was possible but he dislocated his thumb during intercourse last night then cried
No ive been in the mountains getting high and baking cookies with a 4 year old
So I said "fuck it" and made myself a sandwich
Hhhaaa He said Peanutburter disinfect lol. Like peanut butter can disinfect stuff. None of those guys are safe
He had a temporary tattoo of Justin Bieber on his dick and I still had sex with him
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