Why does my right nut always hang lower than my left nut?
it'll be like the batcave but for manwhores
dude you need a shock collar for some of the things you say when you're drunk.
Is it possible to get a DUI in a wheelchair that's not yours?
I'm starting to second guess shaving my vagina over the kitchen sink. The lighting is so much better though.
I left the guinea pigs on the dryer. Make sure to take care of them.
I'm sorry for the texts and anything that I said that may have caused confusion, pain or irritation. I shall not be drinking again. Furthermore I will not be keeping a phone on me should I fail to adhere to the prior statement.
You described pouring milk in your strawberry cereal as a glittering magnificent water fall, skimming over the mountain and little strawberry citizens.
Needs to be more caveman. "Me kill roommate. You watch. Then sex time with our genitals."
Today I'm playing this game called how physically long can I Lay in this one spot before moving, do you have an estimated time of departure?
Woke up in a hotel room with some random guy then walked over a mile to the bus stop where I laid down and waited on the bus. GREAT NIGHT
You gotta have 1 orgasm for me and the rest can be for you. I'm living vicariously through you 😂
You wanna know what I want to eat? Questionable Mexican food before I go drink. Makes for excitement. Will I puke it up or shit my pants
She's kind of holyer-than-thou, like god himself came down and said "please cock block your roommate at every opportunity, and if you think she's thinking of sex, tell her she's a whore"
As I walked across the lawn after the party got busted, an officer told me to chug my beer before I left the premises.
Randomize
