the condom got lost in my hair
please quote me on this- the only thing worse than being ugly is being ugly and thinking that you're pretty
Thats cool. we found a cat INSIDE a coke machine.
I guess the cop knew i was on a walk of shame and felt bad...i got to play with the siren the rest of the way home
Corey Haim died. 80's me is so sad
we were fucking and all I could think about is how my silly bands were glowing in the dark.
I hope this adventure ends at a hospital
Then he complimented me on how excellent I was at breathing through my nose
You can't buy drugs with a ziplock bag full of quarters, chuck-e-cheese coins, and a starbucks giftcard.
watch me
What's the address?
Too drunk. Just google it.
IT'S YOUR HOUSE
My cab driver just suggested I brush my teeth because he can smell "the party" on me.
Being sober is no fun. Karaoke and not wearing pants are not socially acceptable things to do anymore and this depresses me.
just yelled CURVEBALL at my nightie because it turned out to be a pair of shorts
Helped a guy at work today that did nothing but stare at my chest....safe to say the Girls were looking G.O.O.D. today.
Let's drink lean at the 5 seconds of summer concert. Give the teens a glimpse into their future as dysfunctional adults holding desperately onto their youth. You in?
Randomize
