you know whats awesome about this morning. A suprise visit from my dad at 7:30 am. There was a pair of heels on the lawn and a girl sleeping in just her underwear on the floor of my living room. He either thinks im a champion or a total fuck up. I'm thinking fuck up but im hoping champion.
I want to see you every morning in the kitchen ass naykid on roller blades making pancakes.
Stop sending me these texts. This is your mom, not your girlfriend.
just smoked a bowl with my history teacher. i love community college
When she gives birth, I'm so playing 'Eye of the Tiger'
His apology was sex and a subway sandwich. Strangely, I'm okay with that.
Ye. Looking like it's about to be one of those mythical responsible weekends
I had 2 bags of iv saline fuilds for brunch and the buffet at the strip club for dinner. happy easter.
it's pretty awkward texting you how much I want to suck your cock when I have my mom on speakerphone.
On my way
im lying in bed trying to choke myself out because being awake hurts too much
So I'll bring my machete and we can smoke your shit.
Out of context, that is a hilariously scary message.
But idk if I cried about life then banged him or banged him and then cried. Chicken or the egg?
I'm the Oprah of jello shots
You're a mystery wrapped in an enigma wrapped in a redhead
Ive seen a birth plenty of times, pretty awesome like a bear trying to climb out of a volkswagon.
I didn’t eat all day. Got really drunk at a bruins game and puked in a random dunkies cup on the T
If that doesn’t scream I’m from New England, I don’t know what does
Randomize
