Define "chronic" masturbator.
Every one of her profile pictures looks like an ad for American Apparel. Of course she has syphilis.
It's like God knew that was my ex's best friend and punished me. I've never vomited that much in my life.
i can now proudly say that ive peed off of a balcony overlooking the pacific ocean AND a balcony overlooking the atlantic ocean
Apparently my type is "guy whose parents had unprotected sex on Halloween". Last week was my ex's, my FWB's, and the guy I'm seeing's birthdays.
at one point he couldn't find his underwear so he put on my catsuit to go to the bathroom
im still going. this is my new reality. also. dont take glowsticks in the bath. they explode. actually. do. it. its beautiful.
i dont think thats healthy man...
Its only 9:11 and I just somersaulted through a window. Its gonna be a good night
I'm beer bonging chocolate fondue. That's how my Valentines Day is going.
I just paid for weed by taking him to the store to buy cheese so he could make empanadas. Best. Drug deal. Ever.
as your best friend, I hope we never outgrow 'I Just Got Laid' texts
Is there a classy way to tell him that to thank him for his service I would like to put his dick in my mouth?
"Happy Veterans Day! Now pull down your pants."
Like what? And no, shrooms cannot be party favors.
I am the oldest one here and I STILL feel like I need an adult. help.
what did we do after we left your crib?
you layed down in some rocks for about an hour, you stole some pumpkins, you passed out and started shaking, we got t-bell, we took you back to the dorm.
Randomize
