i've never been more proud of someone than i was when he told me he got his first blowjob at age 13...from two chicks
I'm eating crumbled blue cheese out of Tubbaware. My life is nothing.
her dad gauges his nipple piercings.
Myy bathroom floor makes me think I'm on Mars. Also. Did you realize that yesterday we perfected thee mind high-five??
Yeah its great. Whenever we want a new bowl we hand it to Trevor and he clears it in one hit. Definitely one of the benefits to having a swimmer in your circle.
Will it make you feel better if we wear the title of dysfunctional fucking roommates? It requires monogamy unless we want to bang someone together.
You in for a dick vacation?
YES, even though I have no idea what that means
I just wish I had a snapshot of his attempted front flip off the bar. There are some things that are worth getting a life ban for, and the moment of impact with his foot and that lady's face was one of those things.
Up until today, I never would have thought I'd have to tell someone not to color on the cat
He told me I have nice nipples. You can't just tell someone that and then leave the state!
When she saw "buy condoms" on my to do list she figured out pretty quick we were breaking up.
you ever just feel like an organ is failing?
He is a sex God. It lasted more than an hour, and I don't remember how many times I came. I lost count at 57.
Can u pick up some lemons on the way? I have Tequila and a sore throat..I need them for both
Legit just looked at the gin bottle and said, “Aw fuck, I’m going to feel this in the morning.”
Randomize
