I feel like i just miscarried Jesus's baby...
Question: If I woke up with one eyebrow mysteriously missing, do I shave the other one to match?
so today I found out that she used to be a he....
are you gonna get a divorce?
After watching Cinemax for a few months, real porn just grosses me out.
i asked why he had a giant piece of popcorn duct taped to his head and he said "No, it's actually part of my neck." so no, i didn't fuck him.
Just bought an airhorn. Bad things will happen.
Good morning! Spongebob is on channel 257 when you wake up. Help yourself to breakfast. You were great last night. See you when i get back.
The only thing that was weird was that it WASN'T weird when she got out of the shower and saw me blowing him.
I hit on her. So did Sarah. Neither of us got anywhere. I swear she's asexual. Like Switzerland.
Definitely just found that pen in the microwave. What the fuck.
There is a hatefuck that has the destruction level of an atom bomb raging through my viens just aching to vaporize her.
That UFC fighter fucked me so hard I have what can only be described as a "cuntcussion"
Thanks for your faith in my ability to stay sober while writing final essays. It's...unearned.
I'll pick u up. I have to buy a new sofa cover anyway. I swear I've never seem a girl cum like that before.
you walked 30 min all the way back to the dorms at 2am?
i was more bummed that i dropped all my skittles.
Randomize
