i found a beer bottle on top of the urinal, peed in it and put it back... if anyone gets drunk enough to fall for it they deserve it
the girl next to me just texted someone in her phone named Optimus Prime
...i wonder what he did to earn that nickname
why does the wii remote smell like your vag?
First day at work... I clogged up the office toilet on purpose to assert my dominance.
Thru out the entire phone conversation I went from thinking: he's making a gay come-on, to he's trying to sell me drugs, before realizing he was offering me a job with an internet company. Things are gonna be awkward in class this week.
Just lifeguarded a kid's party hungover so I could afford to go out drinking tonight. Circle of life shit goin on here.
When I left you, you were walking into a room with a half naked girl. When I returned 2 minutes later, you were locked out of the room naked and she was screaming obscenities from inside. How do you manage to make every girl hat you?
In lieu of flowers, please donate to The Hungover Children's Fund in my name.
Not sure how ur night is going, but unless u also saw a naked drunk chick pissing outside i doubt it can top mine
I just saw a stripper light her nipples on fire. Im terrified and impressed all at the same time
i was the only bi girl at the frat party. i felt like the last cresent roll at thanksgiving
Was your wine and cheese snap taken from the toilet?
The hardest part about being a child of divorce is when you're at your dad's house but your condoms are at your mom's house.
I HAVENT SEEN A PENIS IN 5 WEEKS I REFUSE TO REMAIN CALM
what color bed sheets say meditative warrior but also welcome to my sex dungeon...
navy blue
The fact that you have an answer to that is why we are friends...
Randomize
