i wanted to sleep on a waterbed so i filled up my bathtub so i could fall asleep in it...
i just licked mashed potatoes off my blackberry. i'm not even ashamed to admit that to you.
I was trying not to text you this weekend, so I deleted your number when I was sober. Then auto restore at midnight. It was like drunk magic
Apparantly 7 1/2 Vicodin is a 1/2 too many.
I refuse to go to this wedding alone, or sober. Practice drunk-walking in heels and a Bridesmaid dress begins tonight.
Weekday college schedule so far: get high as tits. Watch Family Guy marathons. Repeat.
In between rounds of sex, you stopped and did drunken handstand push-ups.
I just imagined you going baby-crazy and trying to shove him up into your uterus. Yes, I'm aware he's 7 years old.
Shotgunning beers to finish a midterm project at 3am is a good idea right?
woke up in a random sweater in a random bed in a random house on a street I don't recognize..
also, I vaguely remember swapping shirts with some random guy on the dance floor.
We need to make tonight low-budget
Is this your way of suggesting flasks?
He kept squeezing my butt and telling me how smart I was
Who knew sons of strippers would be really feminist boyfriends?
You thought her boot was a stray dog in your house..
I woke up and he already had a joint rolled waiting next to the bed. Love.
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