did you violate me with a mr sketch marker when i passed out? i just peed and wiped purple and it smelled like grape. i need to get to the bottom of this...
My gift to the freshman: I made an illegal stop, rolled out and dropped to my hands and knees and puked in front of the south campus dorms and about 20 families. Welcome to OSU
you wouldn't come out from under your bed because you said there were six-armed bears everywhere.
ohhh that explains the pepperonis I found in my sock drawer this morning...
no it doesn't.
I need to remember that good judgment goes out the window after the 7th shot and the 3rd Lady GaGa song.
Just saw your girl from last night... Be embarrassed
Had a speaker in class today. She asked whats the first question when you see someone pregnant. I said whos the father? She was looking for "is it a boy or a girl?"
I just watched nsync videos for the past half hour and you could totally tell lance bass was gay in all of them
There was a suspicious looking plate that suggests I may have eaten salad with gravy
There is a girl on the metro with no shoes and she's using a Crown Royal bag as a purse.
just woke up in a camero on the way to nebraska, i would appreciate it if you answered your phone.
Dude, you were so wasted she couldn't wait. She was grinding your face while you were passed out in the yard.
I survive off of bourbon and the tears of others only
I'm on the couch watching HGTV googling giant boob Halloween costumes so life is swell
Can you come unlock the door? I just peed myself on the porch.
On the plus side, he ate me out and gave me an orgasm. But he also talked about robots during sex and mispronounced it like the dad in the goldbergs and called them “robits”
Randomize
