The elaphant ear plant popped a new leaf ! Wahoo !
I called him Han Solo during sex, he looked at me like he was mortified then I realized he came.
New scientific discovery: The hypothetical attractiveness of a woman increases exponentially as her skirt:boot ratio approaches zero. Nobel Prize in my future?
You guys crashed sarahs vespa into a snowbank and its still there. not cool.
Just got home and found him passed out with his ass stuck in a Rubbermaid garbage can. He must have been like that for a few hours
I swear to Christ if it turns out to be an intervention, i will set you on fire.
Just missed the last train for another 5 hours. There are balls in or around the mouth of my life.
I feel like it'll be a success as long as she doesn't end up dead in a ditch. There has to be a line somewhere.
somebody went from crying while watching Full House, to a full on emotional raging bull...I love this time of the month
That was a very uncomfortable conversation to have without pants on. But his mom was pretty cool about it.
He showed me his scar from his appendix surgery. It was educational and fun....
You will drink beer in a kiddie pool in your back yard but you wont bring a girl home
drinks after work?
that question mark offends me.
I already plan to donate my brain to science so they can attempt to fully understand the complexities of my existence
You took acid last night and I’m up early to go to the grand opening of a new TJMaxx by my house. We couldn’t be more perfect.
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