Wow senior week shows you new things about yourself
Is this the I'm gay speech?
Billy Mays is dead too!
Somewhat annoying American icons better be watching their backs
my credit card is covered in vodka and bad memories
I just won unlimited hot dogs for life. I'm so glad I smoked
just shottied a beer can with a pumpkin carver. i love October.
the realtor just took us to a house I had a one night stand in. I feel like it's a sign.
I feel like I'm on let's make a deal. should I go with what's behind bulge number 1 or bulge number 2?
Their was just 7 people standing outside eating a costco chicken, definitley at the right party
Bonus points if someone shits their pants. Only 1/2 bonus points if it's you
Bonus points are bonus points regardless
pretty sure I just got a "sorry I have a new boyfriend" blow job. Confused, but totally ok with it.
In other news: I found out that my mom used to fuck my newest fuck buddy's dad when they were in school.
trust me. coming from a bonafide dirtbag, this dude is up to shady shit
If I got everything I wanted in the world, I would have been forcing soup down your throat hours ago
I'm actually kind of scared about the prospect of us living together. We're just going to eat pizza and drink wine before retiring to our rooms with vibrators
Nothing has ever been more true. Ever.
Whoever said it shouldn't take a man to make you happy clearly wasn't having sex everyday.
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