Tell him to shut up cuz i said so. I lost my dollar shoe :(
Get out...Run...Or there's going to be a dick in your mailbox
so she asked me if I thought she was fat and naturally I said no..... but I think she might catch on
who is she? I really hope you have an explanation cause either you think I'm fat or you're cheating on me
His glasses broke on the way to the bar aNd he ended up talking to this butterface all night. I didn't have the heart to tell him
Everyone is sleeping and i'm sittin here in my iron man mask, watchin chelsea lately and tryin to figure out how to smoke through it.
I get hit on by the prison guards every time i go to see him. Seriously.
Sometimes you have a life bucket list item checked off like 4 tits in your face simultaneously and getting to bang them both. I'm sorry I bailed on skiing but not really. Coming over with a boombox playing 'heat of the moment' as soon as I can hail a cab cause I'm too drunk to drive still...
Want to FaceTime and watch me finish this bagel?
id one day like to live in a world full of emotionless and wonderfully fullfilling sex...
although steph and I had 3 bottles of wine by that point and watched an opera that featured a black dildo so anything was possible really
you know it was a successful halloween when you wake up and have a firecracker in your tits
I was just trying to be a good friend but in retrospect I probably shouldn't have pepper sprayed you.
I'm laying in my bed in the fetal position with a bag of frozen peas on my head and the bathroom trashcan next to me. Fucking tequila.
She was blacked out on the couch MASTURBATING and whispering to her boyfriend...who wasn't there. I yelled her name and she didn't even pause.
So adding to the list of things my boobs can do, sweeping with a broom is apparently a thing.
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