Dude she has a bf and shes on lockdown more than Nelson Mandela in 95
I just gave my whole company pinkeye. How's that for a summer intern's lasting impression? BOOYAHH
I just took a shit in a BP station. It seemed appropriate since they are shtting in our ocean.
She refused to give me a hand job while we were watching a war movie saying she didn't wanna disrespect the soldiers
I enjoyed our heart to heart in the trunk on the way to the stripclub
just got in my apt...and theres jungle juice here i left from over a month ago..this could be interesting...or deadly
Before you even think your day was worse than mine, I had to disinfect and and stitch another dude's penis after his prince Albert got ripped out by an angry chick.
Ran into his mom at the bar, i told her "i know he's married now but I'd still do him"
You could make a naked club. One member, you. One president, you.
Now that I've quit blow, I think I'm allergic to my cat....
And the prospective student I was showing around had to take care of me.
you can't get cum all over my hair and then tell me you just want to be friends
I hope so much that you got average or above average dick tonight because I wish you the best
I'm just going to assume my unresponsive booty calls are just preparing for the women's march tomorrow
PSA. Do not shart while wearing a jock strap at work. That is all.
Randomize
