guess who just spent driver's ed figuring out how to draw a guy giving head
words cant express how excited I am to make January 1st our own personal version of The Hangover
just took a shot of real whiskey... i forgot what it's like to drink liquor that costs more than twelve dollars.
I can't see straight with both eyes and ive only been at the bar for an hour. Someone else typed this for me.
I don't know what you're talking about. I just drank beer out of my own bellybutton by doing a backbend and letting it run down my body.
Just found out he cheated on me last night. But its Shark Week so I will deal with it next week.
I'm going to try to be reasonable tonight and keep my drink count out of double digits
I'm approaching homosexuality at an increasingly alarming rate with each break up.
I couldn't drown my sorrows in an ocean of jack daniels. They may have scuba gear.
Maybe if I get to know him I'll stop wanting to fuck his wife so much.
He called me baby cakes during sex... Can U not
She said she was sober from drugs for a week. All I heard was Kenny Loggins singing Danger Zone.
Fuck my life he IS a stripper, Ive been sleeping with a stripper named Phoenix. damnit, I knew the sex was too good
i was sitting on the kitchen floor shaking my gallon of vodka at people and asking if they wanted to climb the heaven hill... getting dumped is the best thing that has ever happend to me
come on Dane.. ive been there. im like the female version of you, except with morals
Randomize
