She said she could kiss it, just not put it in her mouth. Because that would be cheating..
why the fuck does my google maps say i'm in punjab?!?!? u think it has to do with like...outsourcing?
your youtube search consisted of "food slideshow" and "the angry beavers"
So i guess my mom went into the kitchen and asked me why i was making mac and cheese at 4 in the morning and apparently i yelled at her to "get the fuck back bitch you don't know my life"
Just printed out my Plan B coupon at the library. Saving my own printer ink and paper as well as 10 dollars towards not being knocked up.
oh good. ive just found out that i went downstairs at 6 am still blacked out and had a 30 minute conversation with my mom about the different ways to feed our dog
Almost made out with Amanda but I told her "I'm in a committed fake lesbian relationship with Laura. I can't."
Dave used his AAA card to get my car towed to my house so I could get drunk. Evil genius.
Bring scissors.....i think im gonna have to be cut out of this damn jockstrap
Am I over stepping my bounds if I ask to fuck in your new bathroom?
It has heated floors
I say camping because "let's go get hammered in the woods" sounds kinda fucking weird to be honest.
Girl you know I'm an advocate of debauchery but you might wanna check yoself.
It was like the icing on a beautiful fuck boy cake.
I went to the hospital to have my arm checked out, and they already knew the story. They gave me props for posting photos on facebook before even coming to the hospital.
I would give away three of my own ribs to be able to eat myself out.
...ew
Randomize
