Who were the five players on the alien team from space jam?
at home by myself drinkin the left over champagne from my party... who says my birthday has to end?
What a whore. She reminds me of that asian guy who can eat all the hotdogs.
We still going to Happy Hour
Idk. I can't because it doesn't fit in my schedule of sleeping or throwing up
The good news is that I can 100% reassure you that you did not get knocked up by some creepy Italian dude named Sal Manella last night.
The bad news is that you will never know the name of the guy who may have gotten you pregnant last night because he clearly gave you a fake name, sweetie.
Omg.....I raised my camera to take a pic at this presentation, and I wanted to zoom in, so I swiped my phone to the left and up pops my dick pic from last night.
I can't bring myself to turn around to see if pple saw it.
WHEN DO I FOLLOW THESE PEOPLE. I WOKE UP THIS MORNING &FOUND TWEETS FROM ILLUMINATI AND "hot shot 6th grader"
I felt like in order for him to make it to mordor and destroy the ring, he'd have to make sweet sweet love to me in some form of hut or cave.
Uh, he still talks to you after you basically sexually harassed him using emojis?
it was cool until he whispered 'sounds like you need a good dicking' with a completely serious face and i just lost it
you left your anal beads in the dishwasher
I think I found my saving grace in the form of a beard at the bar.
He'd never survive you. Is there a boot camp for pre-heather training?
yep, just sat in the backseat of my car for about five minutes looking for the vodka soaked underwear,when i came to the realization that i really gotta start getting my shit together..
You thought the flashing lights were strobe lights when they were loading you into the ambulance. You asked the EMT if he had any X.
Randomize
