The sex toys I ordered are being shipped to my billing address instead of shipping address. Take a guess where they're on their way to right now - my parents' house. And the package has to be signed for so there's no way around it. Fuck.
My mom just walked in on me and my girlfriend about to have sex. All she said was "You're lookin like a fool with your pants on the ground.."
For someone who "only drinks patron" your lack of pickiness with men alarms me
chinese tourists just took a picture of me....im pretty sure i heard the bus drive say something about shame.
It only takes once for you to drunkly piss on a chick for her to lose interest in you.
Im trying to find an appropriate gift to your mom for getting both you and your sister on birth control within a week, any suggestions?
I'm spooning a three legged dog right now. Started drinking whiskey with Breakfast. Best part about being biracial is Irish cousins. Dog Pic Attahed
to whom it may concern. if i am dead in colleens bed it is not her fault i slept in my scarf. my dads middle name is ronald.
Serious question...Is it possible to get a DUI on a kayak?
I am the slutty bisexual glue that holds this friendship group together.
I thought my ass was sore from the gym then I realized it was from being spanked. Confusing time in my life.
This question may sound intrusive, but how did pushing out a baby affect your vagina?
I swear, the cow we tried to tip tried to eat me. and all I could think was, oh how the tables have turned. worst trip ever
I just cut open the plastic package of a Plan B pill using the bottle opener I carry in my purse. #whyidrink
Wait wait wait. You are actually taking advice from this lunatic?
This is the girl who got a balloon full of cocaine through security no questions asked. Of course I'm taking her advice.
Valid.
Randomize
