im pretty sure that there was a mint leaf in my poop this morning. i love mojito season.
Do you think there are girls out there that really do like small penis?
its like playing clue every morning after we party. she did him in the kitchen with..oh god.
Just found my mom passed out in my bed holding a bag of wine. Not sure if I'm ashamed or proud.
you called your neighbor "slutsauce" then passed out on the stairway. not even sure why, but props to you.
literally hosing herself off in my back yard with the hose. i offered her the shower but she refused. that drunk.
She kept looking at me and saying "you are the scary high".
My suggestion is that you just get high and set shit on fire
It's twenty thirteen and the rando and I bonded over the fact that we're both stil using flip phones. Of course I fucked him in the bathroom. It was the obvious thing to do.
I need vodka mixed w a bit of holy water right now
I'm pretty sure my munchies are the only reason Good and Plenty is still around
I found your missing hash cookies. Fuck you and I'm sorry but there are only 2 left. I already had the munchies.
We talked about breaking up, had sex, and in the middle of said sex, talked more about breaking up- best sad day ever
My parents left me the house for the weekend...you know what that means?!
Harry Potter marathon and no pants.
I mean...if Marco gets pregnant, it is either the spawn of Satan or the second coming of Christ (neither of which I want in my life). So let's just hope that he doesn't grow a womb and that we don't have to consider either option.
Randomize
