RAWRRRR IMA PURPLE DINO
dude i'm sitting right next to you.. stop texting me
So I thought I was doing pretty good and then I sneezed and prematurely ejaculated...
Just watched 1 guy 1 jar with my mom. Awkwardville...
adderall just fell out of my nose in class. guy next to me just nodded.
I understand. Hypothetically what should one do after throwing up in the shower?
cheating on your boyfriend is the best diet ever, I've barely eaten in days. The guilt is killing me
They're calling for 20 inches of snow but I'll have a dirtbike for emergency trips to the liquor store. Even if I crash it won't hurt.
I really can't get over how proud I am of all us getting laid at the same time in the same apartment
He asked me where I wanted it. I told him in the condom. He stops mid thrust and says "you're no fun" and then blew. Chivalry is semi dead.
DOGS JUST TOTALLY ATE THE FEATHERS OFF MY NIPPLE CLAMPS!!!
I should start prefacing bondage with girls saying "I know you've read 50 Shades, but there is a 33% you're gonna freakout and go home, while I jerk it alone"
You ran down the alley towards a stranger screaming "you took my beer".... Then proceeded to run into a garage, fall down, and scream about how your shirt makes you look fat.
He told me if he passed out to wake him by sitting on his face, and if he suffocated at least he would die happy. Found the one.
I'm trimming my pubes right now and the battery was wearing down. So I chose to only trim one side. I cut the right side down and now I look like pubic two-face. Right all trim and near and left like a caveman.
I might as well just sew it shut at this point.
Randomize
