After last night's events, I googled "how to change your life direction." I found a really helpful ehow.com article.
SOME GIRL ON THE STAIRS IN FRONT OF ME JUST FARTED AND IT WENT STRAIGHT INTO MY MOUTH!
He completely dissapeared at the baseball game. We found him passed out at the hotel three hours later with souviner photos of himself at the top of the Sears Tower.
Really, thanks for buying me caribou, it helped me out. Today will forever be the day I threw up in a caribou cup in the skyway outside of chipotle.
We blazed in her bathtub. All 5 of us. Not easy bro
Highlight of the night: paying my cell phone bill at the bar... I need to get laid.
Ginormous penis in the breeze, cumming champagne showers into your eye
I've got a permanent seat at the "Girls who eat their feelings" table this weekend.
Chipotle just hit me... I want to go sit in the corner of the shower and cry until morning.
Well, I just bought plan b with the tips I made from the job that I slept with my manager. So yeah, that's my life. How's yours?
Hey, YOU try working out drunk every night! Besides, I think at least one of those bruises is a hickey.
She has the best kind of daddy issues
Oh? And how would you explain this to your kids?
"Well pumpkin, when mommies and daddies have loved each other so much for a really long time, sometimes they trade off with other mommies and daddies"
The best thing about last night is when drunk Lauren asked cop if she could smoke a joint in front of him. And next thing I remember she’s smoking weed with a cop. How awesome is that.
You is single now. The world is your ass buffet.
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