so later when i'm crying over him remind me that he once called his penis "senor weeper"
I told my rommate that he was pissing on his bed. He said "ok man" and took a step backwards and continued. He then went back to bed.
I just creeped all your pictures on Facebook -- it was like I watched you grow up right before my eyes.
it was just fiscally responsible to stop going to strip clubs where the strippers recognized me
I just wiped my face with a slice of bread. Lowest point of the night.
He's been grabbing my ass as a greeting since 2004, sex was overdue
Yeah things got weird. You ate an entire bag of hotdog buns, then tried to catch a tree on fire with a candle.
He tried to stick it in and I asked him what he wanted to name our child and he quit.
She's on her way over to shave my year round sweater vest into a festive argyle sweater vest. Keeper?
This is the most boring acid ever. I feel like a child. But thats okay, I've been a child before, its nothing new.
This is worse than naked and afraid. This is drunk and confused.
Really though. It's your life, live it how you want
And I do mostly. Which is why I'm now drunk in my room writing erotica
Shooting a bottle rocket from my penis was entirely justified. Twenty bucks is twenty buck no matter how you look at it
Either I'm getting old or the shit show is playing earlier than it used to...
Pillow talk was a high five, this morning she made dinosaur muffins for the house. I love chapel hill
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