update: the house isnt on fire anymore, but he is still pissing on all your stuff.
the house was on fire??
shit I thought I told you.
Waitress cut us off at Chili's bar. New low
Yeah, that's not really a good thing. Especially for a girl. You should get a tattoo on your stomach that says "Please wear a condom".
You're such a slut.
I prefer opportunist.
So you know that marine I slept with, well his girlfriend just told me I was pretty, I almost feel bad for sleeping with him now...
Dont! You were just serving you country
I might not be able to enter cuba but that doesn't mean that a cuban can't enter me
I feel like someone had their period in my eyes.
I'm sorry I got a little outta control last night.
and lets be real... who can blow a middle school class's sunday school teacher and keep a straight face ever again? NOBODY.
Is this girl REALLY making a smoothie in the bathroom right now?
While running home from the bar in high heels I multi- tasked and sexted with Brent. Jesus.
I'm wearing a cape at the laundromat. I really can't say shit
The cop that got shot in the dick is here, let the entertainment begin.
i just remember that i was on top of him and he wasnt contributing to the event much.. god i hope he wasnt asleap.
we need to open a bar. a bar with... wait for it... A FUCKING BALL PIT.
LOL. Do you guys need a ride home?
No. we're home already. i just thought it was a brilliant fucking idea.
Sitting naked, eating lucky charms with rain boots on
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