Your date looks like the Cloverfield monster. good luck.
In line at the arbys drive thru on foot. Legendary.
i'm dressed up like the coppertone baby and being hit on a guy in a monk costume. the irony is not lost on me.
About to find out how well alcohol and lazer tag mix.
My flask crushed my baggie full of aderall in my backpack, why can't my demons just live together in peace
I just found her phone in the quesadilla maker...
It's such a good feeling to send those "I'm not in jail" texts on Sunday morning
Did you just say he wants to put a baby inside me?
Apparently getting drunk at a philanthropy event and tweeting about it is "frowned up"
I tried snowmobiling at 2 am. I broke my glasses. You're right. Things do get out of control.
You brought string cheese to the strip club
The nice lady at the neighborhood liquor store informs me that we have a new woman-run neighborhood sex shop. Jesus loves me and wants me to have a happy Valentine's day.
I learned a valuable lesson about combining day drinking with malt liquor: you may think you have super powers, but that's just the Steel Reserve talking.
I dont pretend to understand how the heterosexual mind works. Its a mysterious cavern of stupidity and disgusting sexual acts.
like, there were so many other better not terrible choices you could have made, so i'm honestly baffled that you managed to fuck up that bad
Randomize
