I'm at the doctor and the male nurse (haha) asked me if I smoked, drank or did drugs, and when he said 'drugs' he looked me right in the eye and did a perfect wrist rocket.
Knee deep in strippers, everything is comped. will try hard to be there at 8. i promise.
I'm pre-party power houring. It's so catchy I couldn't not do it
You made me wash my hair in the kitchen sink while eating bay leaves
there's a guy pushing a keg up the street in a shopping cart. you have to love graduation
This year i'm grateful for nothing other than the discovery that the uncircumcized rumors about him were wrong
The girl in the hotel room next to us walked out at the same time as me this morning. She just shook her head, looked at me and said, "faker." Is it that easy to tell?!??
I walked outside an you were laying down talking to a star about your life. That's when I took the bottle of jack away...
So it finally happened last night... I re-met someone that i've already had sex with. Had no idea who he was. Fantastic
driving home I had the GPS in one hand and puking in the coffee cup
So no more sangria road trips?
I'm a professor! I can't be caught chasing the liquor with you hooligans once the undergrads have seen my face
I like it here so far, only people are a lot less accepting of my terrible decisions and it's cramping my style
We will just distract him with tacos and porn.
Last night I recall my hair going up in flames. This is evident by the burnt hair smell that is following me around this morning
i just used your hair clip to unclog my bong. i miss you so much!
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