it seems as if every mistake i've ever made in life i've had an errection in one hand and a bud light in the other
i feel like im doing the pre-walk of shame..like every car that drives by is like, ooooo look at that girl, in that itty bitty dress, yep shes about to get her skank on tonight...
Things to remember: Girls don't appreciate it when you yell "Beast Mode!" when switching to doggy style.
Dear vodka that I hid in a water bottle in the backseat of Blairs car, I'm sorry that she gave you away to a man on side of the road with an over heated engine. I'm sure the car doesn't appreciate you as much as I would have.
Just made a coke joke and literally drooled on myself. How do we feel about pavlov's theory of conditioning now?
A guy wearing a hard hat while floating the river. It's the most responsible drinking we saw all day.
Took me 12 hours to be sober again. Shitshow mission accomplished
If I give you a key to my place you have to promise to one day wake me up with a blowjob.
And by one day I mean once every two weeks.
If you're wondering why you have playpen balls it's because we stopped at chuckie cheese on the way home.
True enough. Do you ever think that these girls grandparents ghosts are watching you masterbate to their granddaughters and look at you in Shame?
I slept with someone only because he got my Simon Birch impression. It was a new low.
I think the highlight of my night is when I was eating a mayonnaise sandwich. drunk me was on point.
I would rather suck a dick or two than go there
who knew rolling through the dorm on a scooter in footie pajamas would attract so many guys. he said i'm his soulmate.
These rednecks don't fuck around. This party is completely BYOB and we now have 6 kegs, 3 of which have already been emptied.
Randomize
